I'M BACK

I wrote my first (and only) blog entry three years ago and little did I know the drama that lay ahead.  I was in the beginning of a very intense relationship with a 79 year old man - first serious romance  since my husband died 25 years ago.  And things were very different - and,  I wanted to talk about them because I had a feeling that many of the issues I experienced had to be shared by other women. Body issues, medical/health stuff,  finances, children, grandchildren, pets, society's view of senior dating in general and sexuality in particular,  plus anecdotes/observations about some of the toads, I mean men, I met on first and last coffee dates.

And then this relationship took off very quickly and I became consumed in the moment.  No time for blogs, plus it seemed like an invasion of his privacy.  Then he got sick, then two stokes,  then he died.  I was devastated; we were together for 15 months, 10 of which he was sick, 8 of which he was very sick.

So I am back where I started - sort of - went out with a fellow last summer but I broke it off - no fire and haven't been online since.  Am now thinking about it again and hence back to the blog.  But not sure of direction - seems like there are more things to ponder  as a 73 year old woman in addition to senior dating.   But this also feels more like a diary and why would anyone be interested.  I don't read other blogs so I'm not sure what they are supposed to be.  Maybe just writing will lead to insight.  Am trying to remember my granddaughter's advice: "keep it honest" - and that's tough - there is a tendency to try to entertain which subverts the whole thing.   So in the interest of not overthinking I'm just going to dive in.

There are 2 things on my mind today: upcoming knee  replacement surgery and whether I should go back on match.com. I've had one knee done so I know what's ahead and would love to bail but since one leg is shorter than the other I can't continue to walk around like a duck.  Plus I'm hopeful lower back pain will be improved once the skeleton is in better alignment.  But, I worry about strokes, not waking up, etc and think why upset the apple cart.

My sister is encouraging me to get back into online dating.  She's 8 years younger than I am, skinny, happily married and well put together - easy for her to say.  Online dating is plain hard work, and it makes me nervous overtime I agree to go on a coffee date - I'm always convinced the guy will think I'm a loser.  I am 73, have arthritis, a stomach, wrinkles, skin going south and more.  But  I did meet one really great guy and maybe it could happen again.